Council Releases Statement on Suspected Vampire Attack

Ned Spencer, November 10, 2017

Police descended upon a small house San Judia, on Morgan Street this past April investigating a frantic 911 call from Joyce Larson as her father, Donley Larson was being attacked by an unknown assailant.  Police and emergency services arrived in time to save Mr. Larson, but the suspect fled the scene after being fired on by police officers.

"I put five rounds into her back as she ran across the yard," stated Sgt Simmons with the San Judia Police Department, the first responder to the scene in April.  Simmons, a firearms trainer and a master marksman confirmed both in reports to investigators and to this reporter that he was absolutely certain he struck the suspect.

"You weren't concerned about firing on a presumably unarmed, fleeing suspect?"

"When I made entry into the home, she was hunched over Donley, her face and chest covered in blood and growling.  It is departmental policy that when dealing with presumed monsters that deadly force is permitted.  Whatever she was, she had already attacked one person, savagely, and I had a genuine fear for the safety of the public if she were to be allowed to leave the premises.  I ordered for her to stop, to lay down on the ground..."

"You were certain the suspect understood English?"

"Absolutely.  When my partner and I arrived at the scene she had actually greeted us at the door, claiming to be the woman of the house, the victim's wife.  It wasn't until Joyce Larson arrived seconds later that I realized that she was the assailant and pursued her through the house into the backyard, gave my verbal commands, and then opened fire."

"How did you know that she wasn't, in fact, the woman of the houses?"

"Because when I met with Joyce I remembered her from an accident scene a few years prior, in which Donely, the victim, had been severely injured and the wife, Joyce's mother, had been killed.  My memory clicked that the woman that answered the door was the same woman pulled from the vehicle wreckage and later laid to rest."

"So you acted with 100% clarity."

"Absolutely." 

Sergeant Simmon's willingness to cooperate with reports stands in stark contrast to the San Judia Vampire Council.  When pressed for information concerning what appeared to be a vampire attack, they refused to offer any statements until early this morning.

At 6:00am SJVC spokesman Robert Warner reached out to the Los Oscuro Times to provide the following:

"After an exhaustive investigation into the unfortunate incident in April, we have concluded that it was not, in fact, a vampire who committed the assault on Mr. Donley Larson.  The Vampire Council takes these sorts of attacks very seriously and will be working with the San Judia Police Department to apprehend the suspect of the attack.  We would caution anyone to not permit entry into your residences persons that appear to be deceased loved ones.  Our investigators have tracked this specific entity from Arizona to New Mexico, and across the state until arriving in San Judia, apparently attacking in an eight-month pattern.  We believe that the creature may try to strike again in the area, as it was interrupted in its feeding period in April.  We will have agents on alert for any signs of the creature and will keep in constant communication with law enforcement on this matter."

When asked about the statement, Sergeant Simmons stated "I, honestly, believe them.  The vampire council has been very good at keeping their own under control and frankly the thing didn't act like a vampire.  Vampires typically don't use knives to open throats."

Joyce and Donley Larson declined to comment at this time.

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